Wednesday, 11 January 2012

As I graduated and having my own responsibilities toward my life,
i learned so much about how to put and give my strength in order to motivate myself
it's not that easy you know, for u to build your own life, to get a thing that u like and
having fun with what u doing right now.
there is the time i think this life is much easier when i was a student which even though we had a lots
of things to do, we still had  time to sleep, having gossip time with friends, for sport and etc.
Now what i feel is 24 hours are not enough for me. i work for 12 hours or more than that
sometimes. Who expect their life gonna be super duper busy like this one day.
It is not easy for me to motivate myself actually. to woke up early in the morning and work til late nite.
so much thing i need to think and put on my shoulder.
this is life.
it is so easy to be our own enemy. and it's also hard to depend on people when you need them.
i've come to the thought that I need to start becoming my own bestfriend.
It takes looking inside my heart to see and find my flaws.
We all have flaws. there's no doubt about it, but we all have something amazing about us too..
that what make me difference from u, from others.
sometimes when im alone all i think is how to make myself better. how to make thing get better.
I dun even know how i've been thru all the hardest time happened in my life.
til now, i don't even know how im being positive about everything happened.
life isn't easy. u and me. doesn't matter who u r. we have our own problem.
which bring us down. which fall us into pieces.
there is the time when i hold my tears too much and i just can't say anything
because if i do, i will give up easily.
No one know about ourselves or not even one care too hear about your problem everyday,
here i tried too keep everything inside and being positive.
i do post ridiculous thing on my wall. i do said i hate my job. but there are another things
that i keep deep inside.
and honestly when i use to give up.
my heart and brain gonna pick me up and say
"there are lot of peoples out there, have their own stories and hardest part"
don't just give up and maybe what u face know are much more easier thn others out there.
if they are able to live their life.
y don't u.
yeah..that's my heart and brain. they are so positive and they make me strong to live this life.
Believe in Allah SWT. He won't test u with something that u are not afford to do.
May Allah bless me. Amin.


Monday, 9 January 2012

From Heart to Heart

u know,it's not easy for me to move on. not only me but i think most of girls out there.
to move on and forgive it easy for me.
to move on and forget its the hardest part.
i ain't like who i am before. the one who really easy to forget and let it go.
i'd been hurt before and that take courage for me to get into relationship too fast.
but im falling right after 3 or 4 month he left me.
to this one guy who had heartbroken and really tried his hard to get close to me.
when i realize i fall to him,actually i knw it's not the right time for me n for him neither.
but it just happened.
when i was there when he is hurt. told me he is sick. told me how much his love to his ex,
told me how hard his life at that time.
look at him, i saw how hurt a guy could be when he love his girl too much.
and i compared to myself who love a guy too much and been broken by him without says goodbye,
how lucky his ex to have him.
yeah..i can see his flaw. a bit childish, cant make right decision sometimes, have his anger, and definitely ego.
it's just happened one day. Maybe because i've no one at that time. maybe i'd spend too much time
with him and i falling a bit by bit.
Now it's been more than a years he with me. Honestly, he change a lot.
from a guy who not even care bout me to a guy who willing to do anything for me.
tell me im lucky enough to stay through the storm he created before.
I know his flaw, i know his past. but i always believe to the turning point.
U know,it's make right person to change someone to be better person.
and i don't even put high expectation for him to accept the way i am.
But to received high respect from him, that what im proud to have him in my life.
yes. i forgive him for everything he had done to me.
but honestly, it is hard for me to forget every single word every person had said to me.
as well as him.
i don't know if this is my weakness to remember every moments in my life.
but sometimes i pray hard to let me happy with what i receive in present..
i'm thankful for him. to put his effort to give his everything to show me how much he love me.
but i just can't help my insecurity and keep "ungkit" the past.
and i feel sorry for him cause have to work hard for this.
insecurity kill girls. yeah. they are killing me now.
i scared about everything. in fact when we created happy moments i will stop smile and said
i scared if the same thing happen again.
i know he is bit frust with me when i keep remind the old him.
and im sorry for him n my self cause im still not able to forget the past.
my life messed up lately till i get tired with people surrounding me.
but he is there now. willing to make me happy.
he put an effort to be there when im not able to smile.
i know this is not a right thing for me to do. to hurt him by his mistakes.
i know i don't get any other guy,better thn him.
i ain't say because i have him now n i too confidence this relationship will last.
but for this time im the most lucky girl to get this love.
and i pray hard it will be forever. til the end.

-thanks for everything azwan azlan, u r the one.
 and i appreciate every single breath u r with me.

<3 rarra_elyssa